2025-03-19 10:07:14 AM
I don't know why I still lock the door. Nothing truly bad ever seems to happen. Just light things like "why is just one pair of shoes missing?" about once every 6 months. I am about 99.5% convinced that every car, person, animal and object within seeing and hearing distance of me had been planned out to the two bits second. It's completely freaky, but if you are going to Mars, I guess it's good training and a good send off memory! "Remember that odd place back there? Yes dear, let's do something in paisley next time. What is paisley? It's a sound with cooresponding squigglies. You do remember how to do that primer work, right? It's just for show, the sun is pushing all this crap away from it just like we are."
2025-03-19 09:59:02 AM
Q: What is it like in early retirement moth?
[ m o t h ] : I've developed (vs adopted) a new habit of splitting the ramen noodles into two planes before eating them now. It's much like now I started cutting all my burgers and sandwiches in half a few decades ago. That was more of an adopted behavior though. I was like "Well, they cut these sandwiches on the diagonal at the restuarant and well, it is nice how you can put those corners in your mouth so nicely." Lately it's been similar with the Pringles too. If they were just a little less wide. It's great how they stack. It's almost like a whole potato in there but it's been pulverized, reformed and then baked. With salt of course and I assume some oil too. No one eats a raw potato! And then you are left with all those fun shape options. They probably do more bags of chips than the Pringles style because it would make the load too heavy. Or it's just plain complicated to get them into that tight tube-sp....
2025-03-19 09:25:20 AM
I get a lot of passive/agressive information in a very underground way. I'm certainly very public and known.
And most certainly Declina plays a passive/aggressive thing with me. It was like in the fall of 2023 I told her "Uh, I feel bad saying this, but it is likely all our conversations are public." And she said "Yes, I've had that idea for a while now."
And then I asked her about the idea of going to Mars with me about the same time and she said "3 is fine with me." Or "Staying on 3 is fine with me." There is the One of us is Over 40 song. Delcina is certainly extremely close to me these days and she obviously has excellent technical knowledge and is a huge support to me in many ways even though I have mostly not communicated with her in almost a year now. We were massively communicating before that though and she is definitely on board with me.
Am I picking someone to go to Mars? Well, I have no idea. I can only assume that they kind of probe my feelings and do their best with me. You should understand, the idea of going to Mars is not something that I can be on board with 100% of the time. These decades go by and well, sometimes I'm thrown out on the streets and am wondering if they are just trying to get me to do some exercise and get a few fun photos?
But with all that, I definitely was told in the same way back in September "You go to Mars. This has never been done before Rand." I don't mind using Rand like that. Of course they would send two people if it made sense, but there is a huge amount of doubling to send a second person. And it all has to be sent at a one time launch. There is no catching up for anything you send up there for the trip itself. There was news of a huge amount of rocket launches like 2 or 4 years ago. It probably happened, right? Stuff to survive once we are there. And they would likely send two people in different ships most likely. Meeting up in space? Probably a plan for that and play it by ear. Would want to be careful and that is where the lyric "Linked to one another by such slender threads" comes from. It has huge meaning for me and singing that line and song was a major part of my character assassination events last summer.
Am I doing this? Is someone doing this with me? Is it a year, month, week, two years away, never maybe what to have for lunch getting frustrated with 20 hour days is your routine the same as mine do my best today
2025-03-19 08:49:33 AM
Just in the last day or two, I've come up with a theory about strip clubs and massage places and all that. It's just, well, women are kinda in control on some level there. I know that as a woman, I prefer some things over other things, and that is my thing as a transwoman. On some level, I really don't know what being a woman is like. It's likely that a lot of people of all kinds know way more than me.
And of course I'm still into women on some level. They say men are from Mars and women from the V y-ish place. In space? Of course I'd love to decend to Mars, or really even anywhere up there with a wonderful woman in my arms. I'm sure it is quite complicated though. And down here, well, I've had 7 LTRs, so you know, sex is more open these days with me. But I still have the desires I used to have. I'm just on the other side of them in how I think and it would be amazing to have a lovely boyfriend with the visions I have for that. I don't see it as a stereotypical gay relationship. I'd fight it headed that way. It's likely hard to get into a relationship like that, and well, it seems that a majority of transwomen, young and old, have or end up with female partners.
There is that massively cool AFAB tomboy thing. Those women are amazing! Even enjoying the more non-binary people in that direction too. Kinda miss them lately. I certainly see myself as a possibly unexplored tomboy like that. AMAB on the slightly feminine side with AFAB slightly on the masculine side. It's totally a thing.
I'm just a crazy muse musician though, I get attracted to a lot of people and styles. Certainly don't want just anyone in my space/bed. It's easier for me to be discminating these days, but wow, I'm so weird that introducing myself to people.... Well, just believe me when I say that I have been tortured with that in so many ways. Apparently part of my career which my personal life is completely attached to and is public. It's difficult like that and I'm sure anyone being with me will have this public aspect and I know, it's all crazy and I'm of course way used to it. I can understand why famous people really shelter their family away from the media, but it feels like I will never get that luxery. So, you know, I don't necessarily want to be alone. I feel like I'm forced to chase people or money or something. It's a now energy that I put into my work and the intelluctualism. Believe me, even with all the odd computer work I do, it can be fun around me. Not sure if I am earth bound though!
2025-03-19 07:03:52 AM
Good morning. How was your sleep?
Had a couple hours of coding here. My log utility program is in the adding more and more features phase. It's a good foundation type program. I can just open it up and write functional code instead of setting up the display of it and all that. I do miss some things about Flash. My programming mentor really got me up to speed with the windows forms stuff. I always loved it and Peter was very resistant to me going this route professionally. I'm sure he knows more than me on a lot of levels, but it does seem to be a good thing using C# with Windows Forms Framework 4.7.2 (mentor's suggestion, backward compatible and essentially end state program that doesn't ever get updated). I've got it in Visual Sudio Community 2022 which is free. I assume that this software stuff will just not be all crazy with licenses and security in the near future. If what I'm suggesting politically is a thing at all, if you are interested in programming, you know, Python and the LAMP stack on Linux, Windows with WAMP and C#, whatever you want. Stay busy. I enjoy this stuff obviously, so I hope to inspire like that wherever I am in the Solar System.
2025-03-09 11:51:11 AM
It's like, my life story has become a comedy to me. There is a lot of humor in it and I've certainly been putting that spin on it lately. But are we done with that now? Can I have some kind of sane life again where I can do my computer, music and writing thing? I'm having a lot of joy here coding and playing music. I'm going to code this reverse post order button again.
2025-03-09 11:28:28 AM
This is a common thought of mine: "If people enjoy making fun of me or whatever this is, then I understand that because I like to have fun too. I would never do this to other people. My idea of fun is certainly different. But I do understand fun."
2025-03-09 11:22:30 AM
I'm just in tears here again. The idea now "It's OK Rand, just do your work."
2025-03-09 10:50:00 AM
Games. Solitaire and arcade games. Actually a lot of games do not have a human opponent. Twirling a stick usually does not have a human opponent.
